Bittersweet Toxic
by The Almighty Mahokins
Summary: Chapter 5: I know that if you follow me, I'll be tempted to go back. A temptation that will blind my senses, drive me crazy and make me attempt suicide. But to keep you safe? I'll die insane. UP FOR ADOPTION
1. Chapter 1 The Invitation

Bittersweet Toxic, chapter 1

**Maho: Hi again! I decided that while I was procrastinating on A Weekly Splash of Romance I would write this. It took all of my muses' energy to make this so please go easy on me. Don't think I hate Ichigo at the start. I love her. But read Kashinos POV first and then you'll understand Ichigos. Oh yes, and this takes place when they are 21. I don't really like this one though.**

Kashino's POV

I looked at her. My one true love that I could never let go, my darling, Ichigo. She smiles at me so innocently. Who knew a girl that was so oblivious and clumsy could be a devil in sheeps clothing.

She melts into my arms as we stand beside my bed, both of us, breathing softly. She intoxicates me with compliments, drowning me in self-satisfaction. She lathers me in luke-warm affection, enticing me to come back for more.

She pulls away, breathing quietly and steadily, to gaze into my eyes. Chocolate orbs meet slowly melting honey colored ones as we stare silently. Mouthed confessions are made.

Things thought yet not dared to be said.

Ichigo's POV

He looks at me. I love him and I can't let him suffer. I smile at him reassuringly. I'm not worth his time. I try to make him realize it by acting like a fake. A devil in sheeps clothing.

I slowly glide into his arms, inhaling his warm, sweet scent. I gently coo praising words into his ears, breathing ever so lightly.

I pull away slowly, and look straight into his eyes.

_Look at me now, Kashino. Look at me. I'm a fake. Look at my guilty eyes. Look at all the lies. Leave me. Yell at me. Get angry with me. I'm not worth your time. _

_I can't do this to you. You'll finally understand tomorrow. I'm so sorry. But, I'm simply not worth you. So I will leave, and try not to put shame onto your family._

Kashino's POV

The next day I woke up feeling horrible and drowsy. She called me on my cellphone, her voice sounded different. Barriers, was the first thing I thought of. Hiding.

I walked into my living room, trying to figure out this puzzle of a wonderful girl. Deep in thought, I took out the mail from my mail slot, shuffling through it as if I was disoriented.

I stopped for one letter. Amano Ichigo.

A look of love appearing on my face, I open the letter with a smile.

My eyes scan the ribbon adorned paper and widen. I drop the card. Then, slowly realizing the bitter truth, I put on a forced, painful half-smile.

"Makoto Kashino, you are invited to the Satsuki-Amano wedding tomorrow."

_I hate that I love you so much._

**Maho: Was that okay? I dunno... I feel sort of luke-warm for this one. I could've done better but oh well. Reviews are appreaciated.**


	2. Chapter 2 Objection

Bittersweet Toxic, chapter 2

**Maho: This might be my last update until July. I've decided that I will put this on hiatus like I did for A Weekly Splash of Romance until July 10. That way I can work on both stories. About a week or so each.**

Kashinos POV

"Kashino. Welcome." my old friend, Hanabusa Satsuki, said awkwardly as I walked into the church. He was wearing a white blazer and a cherry red corsage was pinned to his clothes. I tried to smile, but I knew I couldn't, or else I would break down, right then and there.

"Hey." I replied, trying to keep my cool, and ignore the turmoil of butterflies in the pit of my stomach. "You... and Ichigo are getting married, huh?" it hurt my heart to say her name, to feel the little jabs of jealousy pricking my heart.

"Yeah..." he says, breaking into some sort of dreamy smile. Finally, I couldn't hold it in anymore, "When exactly did this happen?" I asked through gritted teeth, staring at him almost hopefully.

"Just yesterday when-" he started but then was interrupted by... her. The beautiful devil who's face keeps floating into my mind. She looked gorgeous. A snowy white gown with sleeves that hung lightly until her elbows, that was up to her knees in the front but sliding against the floor in the back.

Her soft, hazel tresses falling angelically in curls to the middle of her back. Light blush, and a bit of mascara and lip gloss, not even close to being too much or looking like it was smeared on.

A see-through veil that was pulled behind her head and creamy luscious skin that made her shine. Magnificent. Astonishing. Angelic. There aren't enough adjectives in this world to describe her.

"Hello, there, love," Satsuki automatically said, with a smile."Hi. Congratulations." I suddenly said, in monotone. I can't do this anymore. It hurts. My heart aches. But then...

She smiled. A cute and innocent smile of joy. I can't give up. Not to him. Never to him.

Satuski slowly walked up to her and held her hand and gave it a small peck. My world fell apart. She flushed and smiled oddly. My world was burned to ashes. He held her hand and looked back at me. A pang of jealousy hits my heart.

"Thank you for coming to our wedding." she said unnaturally, making a hesitant curtsy and an obviously fake smile. I knitted my eyebrows together in thought. Why does she seem uncomfortable? Why is she plastering on a false smile? What's the matter...?

All I had wanted was for her to be happy. But why did she look so pained? So forced? So mournful? What did I do wrong?

I had stepped down to let her have the guy she loved, yet she doesn't look genuinely happy. Sensing the tense silence in the air, I finally gave in.

"You're welcome. Thank you for inviting me." I said politely with a strained smile. Fake. I hoped dearly that it didn't look stupid. Satsuki swished his olive colored hair as he nodded. He smiled a bit. He turned on his heels after giving Ichigo another quick peck on the cheek and flounced away.

"Well... Kashino-san." she said well-manneredly. Kashino-san? What the heck! Why is she addressing me so formally? "Would you like to see our wedding cake?" she asked, as if it was the first thing she had thought of. "Sure." I replied quickly. I didn't really know what to say.

She walked me into a spacious room and lightly closed the door behind her. Her expensive white flats clicked as she walked. "Here it is," she said softly as she pointed to the right side of the room.

My eyes followed her finger and I gasped. I'm not really one to gasp at things but this definitely surprised me. It was a 3 layer cake decked out in roses and white chocolate. My eyes scanned the cake. No strawberries. Odd. Ichigo loved strawberry pastries.

She smiled as I gawked at the cake. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" she said, her voice low and barely audible to me. "Yeah..." I answered in the same tone as hers. Suddenly the church bells rang loudly.

"Ah!" she jumped up, startled. "The wedding is starting now..." she said after gaining back her breath. "Shall we go, Kashino-san?" I nodded even though her calling me "Kashino-san" like she hardly knows me hurts.

We hurried out of the room and shuffled into the church hall. I took a seat next to Andou and he smiled reassuringly. Yeah. As if that helps. But still, I appreciate his efforts to make me feel better.

Satsuki was already up front, smiling his face off. Slowly Ichigo was escorted to the front by Rumi and Kana, with Ringo being the flower girl.

They said their vows, but I swear I hardly heard any of it. My heart was aching in my chest. The priest smiled at the couple then said his words, "Does anyone besides the groom object?"

**"I object to this marrige!"**


	3. Chapter 3 Sensei!

Chapter 3: Sensei...?

**Maho: Sorry it took so long to update, I've been using all my writing smarticles to write chapters for A Weekly Splash of Romance. But, hey, I'm back now. ^.^ Onto my chapter that took all the brainjuice out of me! :D**

I knitted my eyebrows together and looked around the room. An objection...? Who had the guts to do that...?

Finally, I noticed a man standing in the far left of the church, angrily. In a blank white suit, Henri's azure eyes shimmered with determination. "Don't you see, Priest? This girl isn't willing! She was-" Henri rambled on.

"That's enough, Henri-sensei!" Ichigo's scream was clear and hurtful. Tears falling from her eyes like diamonds, she truly looked like a mournful angel. Henri looked at her with wide eyes. "You've... You've said enough! Get out! You are no longer welcome at our wedding!" Ichigo cried aloud, her face a bright red and she buried her face into a surprised looking Hanabusa's shoulder.

Henri's endless blue eyes met hers, and he looked down. "Very well, Ichigo. Play dumb." His mutter echoed through the church. As Ichigo continued to sob in Hanabusa's arms.

"Priest... carry on with the vows." Hanabusa said, quietly, "My wife would like to leave as soon as possible." I flinched when he said wife, it was just an involuntary reaction. I shuddered. I didn't like it.

"I see..." the priest looked at them, sympathy in his chestnut eyes, a frown on his face. "We'll just go to this part then... You may kiss the bride." the priest told them, with a slight smile. "May you both find happiness forever."

Ichigo wiped her tears, and looked up at Hanabusa, and he pushed away a stray lock of hair. He leaned in slowly, and Ichigo closed her eyes. I looked at my feet. Anything, just anything to stop me from seeing this. Anything, dear god, please send me a distraction. I pleaded in my mind, as I fiddled with my blue corsage idly.

I finally looked up, having expected them to have stopped, but to my bad luck they were still kissing. Not the kind of kiss you should have inside a church. Their family members watched them with widened eyes, as people continued to snap pictures.

A heated kiss between them, Hanabusa's gloved hand entwined into Ichigo's tresses, and another arm around her waist protectively. Ichigo's arms wrapped around his neck stiffly. I stared in disgust as Hanabusa was thrown into paradise. The paradise that had once been mine.

_Hanabusa's POV_

Why is it so unfair...? I looked up at the clock to see it was past 11. I sighed putting down my book, and ruffling my emerald hair. I lay down in my bed, an unhappy face coming over me.

Why is it that she only did this for him...? Why...? I felt tears brimming my eyes, and feeling as weak as I was at the moment, I let them overflow. I mourned the fact that she didn't love me. At least not in the way I wanted her to.

Quietly, she opened the door to our room, gently sitting down beside me. She looked down at me with worried eyes. "Hanabusa-chan..." she whispered. I absolutely loved the way she added -chan to my name, so I looked up meekly.

"It's okay... I'll leave soon, don't worry... Once I finish the deal, you'll be able to marry the one you truly love. That girl we saw yesterday, right? At the mall... Kageshuu Nami-san." she cooed softly, her voice like a lullaby as my tears ceased, and dried up on my cheeks.

Why don't you notice that you're the one I truly love?

"You can be with her all you like, and I'll never be in your life... again. I promise you, I won't bother you." she smiled slightly and lay down in bed with me, snuggling into the covers.

Once I knew she was fully asleep, I wriggled myself up to her and cuddled with her, heart-broken.

**"My dearest Ichigo, if only you knew that was the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do."**


	4. Chapter 4 The Deal

Chapter 4: The Deal

**Maho: I decided I'd be generous today and give you another chapter. ;) Enjoy. I've worked on the plot a lot, so please review. It took me forever to think of this. =_=**

_Ichigo's POV_

She looks at me, I could feel her icy glare on me. "I see you've kept up your end of the deal..." she says, her voice like silk, sending shivers down my spine. "Y-Yes..." I whimpered back.

"Remember, if you change your mind..." she walks slowly up to me and stop right beside me. "You know the consequences." she whispers into my ears and walks away. My eyes widened at the thought of the of result if I didn't keep my end of the deal.

I stood, frozen. "Why... is it so complicated...?" I whisper softly, and start walking down the corridor of my new house, heading to me and Hanabusa's bedroom.

_Kashino's POV_

I had been invited to their house blessing party. Not again... I don't think I could handle seeing them together again. I groaned, it was today. Now, officially, they were living together. Ouch. You should know that really hurt me, Ichigo.

I slipped on some clothes and took out a small card, and began scribbling congratulations in black ink. Sighing, I grabbed a bagel from the kitchen, an headed out the door.

The ride there was boring and monotonous. The same sounds, the same news, the same streets. Everything was, well, the same. Expected. Predictable. Boring.

I stopped my car in front of their new house, a cream colored two-story house, surrounded by plants and a white picket fence. "Keep your calm..." I muttered and pushed the doorbell. "Ah, I'm coming!" Ichigo's soft voice answered as she opened the door.

I saw her, her hair in their pigtails, like when we were still in middle school, wearing a white blouse and black pleated skirt. She looked wonderful. But then again, when did she not look gorgeous?

Her movements slowed as she saw me, her chocolate eyes staring into my honey colored ones, as if she could see my soul. "Hello, Kashino-san. Please make yourself at home..." she mumbled softly and showed me to the living room.

The living room was white, and had a warm, cozy feeling to it. I sat down on a tan armchair and nibbled on the eclair Ichigo had offered me. I just wanted to get this over with. The door opens and I look up to see, none other than Ojou. "What are you doing here?" I asked, trying to be polite.

She looks at me and smiles her usual smile. "I was invited by Satsuki. They make a good couple." OUCH. I mean like, ouch. That hurt.

"I should get going now though. Tell Amano I left, Makoto-kun~" she smiles and pats my head with admiration, as grunt in disgust. Her grins widens and she kneels down. "You won't be thinking like that once I'm done."

My eyes widen. "What...?" I ask. She simply smiles again and leaves without another word. What was that all about?

_Ichigo's POV_

No strawberries show I've agreed to her terms and conditions. No strawberries show my defeat. To show I will proceed with the deal. I've just about given up everything I hold dear.

How much longer will I do this? I know the consequences.

I know them too well.

But should I really let this deal ruin my life?

Nevermind. It already has. I crack open the door and see Ojou next to Kashino, whispering in his ear. I guess it's time. It's time to ruin my life, step by step. Why do I have to let the guy I love the most slip through my fingers...?

He's like water to me in a desert.

He seems to always be in my grasp, but always slips away.

**Always there, but never mine.**

**Maho: Do you guys like the story? I think I'm doing a good mystery, ne? :DDDD Read to find out what happens next. ^.^**


	5. Chapter 5 Anything For You

**Maho: Hi~ This might be my last update, since I'll be having surgery done on my teeth, so thank you all for the support. :D This will also be the second last chapter to this story. If the plotbunnies visit me tonight it'll be updated early. ;)**

Kashino's POV

I sat in distress, face palming myself, afraid to let the tears building in my eyes fall. What should I do?

I can't think properly. I heard the door creak and stared meekly at it, oak paneled and all. Ichigo was standing there, her face twisted into a worried look. "Kashino-san..." she mumbled softly.

I couldn't take it anymore. My patience crumbled into the remains of my sanity and I stormed up to her and pinned her against the wall, right then and there. "Don't you, 'Kashino-san' me!" I yelled as she whimpered softly, her blush stained cheeks and wide, frightened eyes starting to melt my anger. But I held onto my fury, knowing if I stopped now, it would be even harder than ever for me.

"Why did you marry him, Ichigo! What did Henri-sensei mean!" I cried out loudly, wanting to know answers. "..." she remained silent and furrowed her eyebrows together. "You said you loved me, Ichigo..." I whispered. "If you loved me, why'd you leave me...?" I mumbled and hugged her.

The scent of her flowery perfume intoxicated me, just like that day before she left me. Bittersweet. Trembling, she pushed me away. Hard. I clutched the slight sting in my chest and looked at her. Her face was damp with tears, and she was looked down. A fallen angel. A mournful spirit. A sorrow-filled goddess. Even in tears she was beautiful.

"A deal..." she whispered. "I accepted it. She said if she can't have you, I can't either. I know the freaking consequences okay?" she yelled back, and I stared, surprised. She gave me one last fury filled shove and withdrew her hands, running out of the room.

I stood there, breathing heavily, the weight on my shoulders hadn't been lifted yet. She...? Who is 'she'? I let myself drop to the ground against the wall. Sitting, the tears came to me quickly. But I didn't try to stop it. I welcomed it. I let the warmth of the salty liquid fall down my cheeks as I face palmed myself yet again. "What'd I do to deserve this?" I spoke softly and shakily.

The pieces of the puzzle were all in the wrong places.

Ichigo's POV

I ran out of the room, trembling with fear. "Why did I tell him...? I've broken the deal, my god!" my mind screamed at me. I ran into me and Hanabusa's room and jumped onto the bed, letting the tear flow freely. I didn't care.

I knew that, once again, a bit of my happiness was to be ripped and burned by Her to keep the deal intact. Or else I'd lose even more than ever before. And I just couldn't do that. I couldn't afford to lose anymore than I already have.

I knew what I had to do. My heart ached and I knew very well that it was wrong. This is how She wants me to feel. Trapped. Scared. Worthless.

Kashino Makoto, I love you. If I can't say it out loud, the least I can do is think it. I love you. I really do.

If this is what I have to go through for your safety... Then I'll do it. Anything for you. Just please, dear god, don't come after me. Ignore Hanabusa's messages and invitations. Cut off all ties with me. Drift away from me.

If I can't have you, I can watch you from afar as I drift away from your arms that felt like my home away from home, and leave in silence. You were my everything. I would do anything for you. Anything.

I was forced. I'll admit it. I was. But now, it's my decision to leave you. Don't try to stop me... because I know that, if you do, I'll break. Shatter. Disappear. Risk your life. I just can't. I can't do that. I know I'm rambling. But these are my true feelings.

I know that if you follow me, I'll be tempted to go back. A temptation that will blind my senses, drive me crazy and make me attempt suicide.

But to keep you safe?

**I'll die insane.**


	6. Chapter 6 Notice!

Bittersweet Toxic, Notice

I'm sorry to say that, I will be discontinuing this story. It will be up for adoption though, if you'd like to have it.

Don't get me wrong, I loved this piece to bits, but it just didn't turn out the way I wanted it to be. I'm truly, from the bottom of my heart sorry and I hope you'll read my other stories to keep yourself busy. :D

Ciao, Maho.

P.S: This story could be removed due to this notice, but it doesn't really matter. Goodbye, Bittersweet Toxic.


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